bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I will be naked everywhere
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
