how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
