I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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