I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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