Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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