My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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