he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
