im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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