he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
