i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
