It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
