R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
