The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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