What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
