I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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