You're my little dorito
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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