theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
