we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
