gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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