She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
