There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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