If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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