if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!