That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
