Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
