I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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