you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
