We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
