Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
