Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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