this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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