it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
