I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
