you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
