you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
