If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
