i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize