I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
