I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
