Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
