Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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