my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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