I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
