Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
