Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
