God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
