We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
