i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This is the high leading the old right now
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
