you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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