Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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