There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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