My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
