Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
