Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
