When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize