your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
