you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
