It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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